You’ve made it through nine months of pregnancy. You gave birth to your baby. You finally got the OK to take your brand new baby home. And now, everybody and their next door neighbor wants to come visit you and hold that baby.
Can you say no? YES.
It is normal that your friends and family want to see and hold your gorgeous, squishy new baby. They have been waiting excitedly for this brand new person to arrive.
But there are a lot of other very normal things going on that we don’t talk enough about.
It is normal that your newborn wants to breastfeed all the time, that you’re still figuring out the latch, and that it’s 100 times harder to do that with a cover (and people watching you).
Breastfeeding is usually not easy, especially in the first week! Give yourself permission to get used to feeding your baby on your own terms, without an audience.
It is normal that both you and your baby feel best she you’re cuddled together in a quiet room. You have a biological bond with your baby that others don’t have. Researchers say that mom and baby help regulate each other’s nervous systems and both benefit from closeness. It’s called exterogestation. So whip that word out the next time someone says, “Stop hogging that baby!”
It is normal that you are exhausted and don’t feel like yourself. You will feel like yourself again, but today is probably not that day. If you would rather lie down in your PJs then get ready for guests, that’s what you should do.
It’s normal that you are experiencing a lot of different emotions as your hormones regulate, while also learning a ton of new skills at the same time. That can be overwhelming!
It’s normal to still be processing your birth experience, especially if you have birth trauma. You are probably working through emotions that you weren’t expecting to feel.
Finally, it’s normal that you only want to have your safest people around you right now. And maybe not even most of them for a little while. After you give birth, your home does not need to become an entertainment space for your family and friends. You are free to make your home a haven for your family to bond and rest.
People who aren’t understanding and empathetic about your needs as new parents? They aren’t your safe people. And you don’t need to prioritize their feelings right now.
Ways to protect your space with your newborn
- “We are so excited for you to meet Baby too! We’re settling in as a family and will let you know when we’re ready.”
- “Thank you for checking on us! We’re focusing on resting and bonding right now. We would love to see you after we’ve adjusted more.”
- “We’d love to see you soon! I’m not scheduling visits right now because it’s a lot to juggle while healing and resting. You can reach out to (partner or other family member) for updates!”
If people offer to help, let them! Decide some areas where you actually want help and offer those options. If someone says, “Let me know if you need anything!” You can say,
- “That’s so kind, thank you! Food or a hand catching up on dishes would be a big help!”
- “Help walking our dog a few times so we can rest with the baby would be amazing! Thank you for offering!”
- “Taking our toddler out to play for a few hours would be super helpful! Would you be free to do that?”
If people don’t want to help you but just want time with your baby, you might offend them. And that is ok. It’s not your responsibility to take care of them at this moment. You need to take care of yourself, your baby, and your family.
Get more help just like this!
Need an unbiased birth BFF to walk through this season with you? That’s what a doula does. I’d love to talk with you about how to have an amazing birth and postpartum experience!